Dancing with Dialogue

May 14, 2020

This is a condensed online presentation of Nathan’s Dancing with Dialogue program. Learn the conventions of good dialogue, how to attribute speech, and practice with an exercise.

Course Video

Exercise

Michelle: Don’t worry. You can trust me. Your secret is safe with me.

Johnny enters.

Johnny: Hello Michelle. I heard you. What secret?

Lisa: It’s between us women.

Michelle: Hi Johnny.

Johnny: Did you get a new dress?

Michelle: Um… well, I guess I better be going. Uh… I’ll just talk to you guys later?

Lisa: Excuse me.

Michelle: Lisa, remember what I told you.

Michelle exits.

Johnny: What’s she talking about?

Lisa: It’s girl talk. I just told you that.

Johnny: I never hit you. You shouldn’t have any secrets from me. I’m your future husband.

Lisa: You sure about that? Maybe I’ll change my mind.

Johnny: Don’t talk like that. What do you mean?

Lisa: What do you think? Women change their minds all the time.

Johnny: A-ha-ha-ha. You must be kidding, aren’t you?

Lisa: Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to go upstairs, and wash up, and go to bed.

Johnny: (shoving Lisa down onto the couch) How dare you talk to me like that! You should tell me everything!

Lisa: I can’t talk right now.

Johnny: Why Lisa, why Lisa, please talk to me, please! You’re part of my life, you are everything, I could not go on without you, Lisa.

Lisa: You’re scaring me.

Johnny: You are lying, I never hit you. You are tearing me apart, Lisa!

Lisa: Why are you so hysterical?!

Johnny: Do you understand life? Do you?

Lisa gets up and heads upstairs.

Lisa: Don’t worry about it. Everything’ll be alright.

Johnny: You drive me crazy.

Lisa: Goodnight, Johnny.

Johnny: Don’t worry about it. I still love you. Goodnight, Lisa.

Show Notes

Conventions of Good Dialogue

  • Brevity—make it brief
  • Should add to the reader’s present knowledge
  • Eliminate routine exchanges of ordinary conversation
  • Should convey a sense of spontaneity
  • Eliminate the repetitiveness of real talk
  • Should reveal character
  • Should depict relationships among speakers

 

Tags

  • Purpose is to make clear who is speaking
    • It shouldn’t be more than that.
      • If you are trying to show emotion with your tags, it’s usually better to show it in how you craft what is between the quotation marks.
    • The three attributive verbs you should lean on are:
      • Said
      • Told
      • Replied

“Said” is not Dead!

  • The verb “Said” is neutral
    • It doesn’t intrude or interfere in the transitions between characters
    • It disappears into the reader’s perceptions of the scene.

Consider if you really need to qualify your attributive verb with an adverb. Examples:

  • She said breathlessly
  • He said arrogantly
  • These are signs of intrusions on the part of the author.
    • Many editors and critics consider this evidence of “Lazy, careless or unimaginative writing,” and will give your work a hard pass.
  • Dialogue should convey its own tone.
    • If you must tell your reader how the words were spoken, then you haven’t done your job with the context of the dialogue.
    • Telling emotion can be viewed as patronizing or off-putting by the reader—don’t cheat your reader!

If you have dialogue that is going back and forth between characters…YOU DO NOT NEED A TAG AT THE END OF EVERY LINE.

 

Other ways to attribute speech

  • Use the addressee’s name: “Hello, Mary.”
    • Now we know the other person is talking.
  • Give direction: “Here you go, sweetheart.” Margaret handed Josh the divorce papers.
  • Put in a beat (physical behavior): He played with the cuff of his shirt. “What’s this all about?”
  • State an emotion directly but show it as well: His response made her sick, angry. “You never loved me, did you?”
  • Use the setting: The rain drenched her. Her new dress was soaked. “I’ll never get the job now.”

 

Housekeeping stuff…

  • If you must use foul language, use it sparingly and make sure it serves a purpose—it can be off-putting to many readers. So, if you have to use it, have a reason behind it.
  • If your dialogue sounds stiff, try inserting contractions.
  • Let your narrator present exposition (that’s their job) not the character’s. Characters shouldn’t talk just for the benefit of the reader.
  • Let your narrator present exposition (that’s their job) not the character’s. Characters shouldn’t talk just for the benefit of the reader.
  • Make sure that your syntax on your attributions matches convention unless there is a deliberate reason to change it—Subject, verb, object: Dave said not said Dave.
  • Eye dialect can be distracting! Does spelling women like “wimmin” really do anything for your characterization? Use these techniques sparingly.
  • Omit the ums, ahs, repetitions, false starts, meanderings, aborted phrases, ritual greetings, small talk, and hesitations of regular speech—they don’t usually add anything tangible.
  • Dialogue should always depict change, reveal character, advance the plot or express theme…if it isn’t—kill it.
  • Everyone speaks slightly differently. Make sure your characters do too. Also, don’t make them sound like the narrative voice (unless it’s your narrator speaking).
  • Everyone speaks slightly differently. Make sure your characters do too. Also, don’t make them sound like the narrative voice (unless it’s your narrator speaking).
  • Dialogue is a part of a scene—characters behave while talking, don’t forget to include their actions.
  • Dialogue—don’t monologue.